Dear Dates: Logging On In Lockdown

With dating app Happn reporting an 18% increase in the lengths of in-app conversations, literally millions of people contained in their homes now seeking human connection through a screen and a plethora of portals just a download away, can it really be the best time to meet someone online? We caught up with HANX fan Genevieve as she lays out what it’s like to date digitally during lockdown. 

HEY GEN, A/S/L?

24, Female, London 

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SINGLE AND WHICH APPS ARE YOU CURRENTLY USING? 

 I’ve been properly single for about 6 months. I was in a very on-off relationship for a year (take this as your reminder not to reply to that text). 

Having been through the motions of downloading, deleting, re-downloading, re-deleting, and then re-re-downloading Hinge, I made the decision to try and actually give it a proper go - although this decision was made 2 weeks before lockdown. Excellent timing, I know.

Right now I only use Hinge, as I like the set-out question prompts and the fact that you can see who’s liked you.. reduces the likelihood of rejection which is always a winner. 

SO, HOW HAS LOCKDOWN AFFECTED THE WAY YOU ONLINE DATE? 

Something I’ve noticed is that people seem much more inclined to actually engage in conversation that lasts longer than the usual…. 1.5 days. I think because we’re still uncertain as to how long we’ll be in lockdown, people are making an effort to hold more meaningful conversations. I also think that it’s a really lonely time right now, so it’s nice to have someone to chat to about well….anything.

Lots of people are also probably in a position where they’ve got a lot more time on their hands than usual, so online dating is great to pass the time - chatting to someone you fancy is a pleasant distraction from the fact we’re living through a global pandemic.

BE HONEST, WHAT ARE YOUR PROFILE NO NO’S? 

I don’t have a particularly rigid set of “No-no”s, although I recently came across a guy's profile who’s hobbies were down as:

“shagging nines and snorting lines”. 

You’d best bet that was a swift swipe left. 

… AND WHAT GUARANTEES AN INSTANT SWIPE RIGHT FROM YOU? KERR-CHING! 

Hmmmm… I like profiles where you can gauge a bit about someone’s personality. Some sort of witty / dry prompt to an answer is always a good sign. A cheeky smile and warm eyes don’t hurt, and if they make reference to the really niche Netflix series that I’m currently watching, I’ll probably propose to them there and then.  

OMG, IT’S A MATCH! WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? 

Get to know each other! Chat on the app, chat on WhatsApp, chat over text, whatever floats your boat. I’ve been speaking to ‘Jack’ (27, South London, a teacher), for about 3 weeks, and let me tell you - Jane Austen would be proud of our courting. I think that the key to maintaining conversation with someone is genuine interest, and consistency. Simple enough right? 

If you go in with few inhibitions, and just ask loads of questions and answer any questions, then it’s fairly easy to maintain a conversation. Also throwing in a few games help. Two truths and a lie, would you rather, that kind of thing. In my situation, Jack took the lead and suggested (somewhat ironically), that we become pen pals. A bit weird? Yes. Did it get my attention? Absolutely. After a week of chatting on the app, we switched over to WhatsApp and started messaging each other with ‘Quarantine Diary’ daily wrap-ups. Trying to make the same four things you do each day in lockdown interesting is a challenge, so you’ve got to be creative. That’s part of the fun. We chatted like this for another week or so… and then came the inevitable. The suggestion of a Video Call.  

IN-COMING VIDEO CALL… WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT’S TIME TO COME FACE TO FACE?

Come 8pm on the eve of the virtual date I was bricking it. First dates are nerve-wracking, but for some reason this seemed So. Much. Worse. Perhaps it was the thought of doing something I’d never done before, or perhaps the weirdness of putting on a full face of makeup to sit on my bed with a G+T to talk to a stranger that I (hopefully) fancied on Zoom. Not a scenario I’d anticipated, but hey, tough times.

My recommendations would be, have a (strong) drink before, set up optimally flattering lighting - lamps over main lights, and ensure you’ve configured which video call platform you’ll be using beforehand. I went with FaceTime for desktop which was easy enough, but I think Zoom could be better as you can change backgrounds which would help massively if you find yourself in need of a conversation hook. Also, make sure you won’t be disturbed. There’s nothing less romantic than a family member or flatmate barging in to have a chat mid-date. 

The most important thing to remember though is to chill the f out. In hindsight, it’s really not that big of a deal, nor is it that scary. Worst comes to worst and you can quite literally  *hang up*. Blame it on the dodgy wifi. It happens.

Photo by Radu Mihai on Unsplash

IS THIS THING ON? ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW AWKWARD IS VIDEO CHATTING WITH SOMEONE YOU’VE NEVER MET?

 It’s awkward for about…. 10 seconds, and then it’s fine. Assuming you’ve been chatting to this person a little, you probably fancy them, and you probably get on well enough to hold a decent conversation with them. Awkward silences may happen, but that’s always a possibility on a first date. At least with this, you can shrug it off in the comfort of your own home.

It also doesn’t hurt to have a few conversation prompts up your sleeve. Whether it’s something relating back to a conversation you’d had over text, or a fun anecdote from earlier in the day - preparation never harmed a soul. 

*NICEGUY69 ENDED THE MEETING.* SO, HOW WAS IT FOR YOU? 

 THE PROS:

 I had a great experience on my first video call with Jack. Conversation flowed, he wasn’t a catfish (phew), he had a good sense of humour (you can’t always tell over text), and there was definitely some cheeky flirting. Yes, his family walked in mid-date, but it was quite endearing to see how he interacted with them in the situation. (is that weird idk)?

We’ve got another video date lined up this weekend - and we’re going to either play a game (jackbox.tv ) or very interactively watch a movie (Netflix party). Will I fall in love? Maybe.

THE CONS: 

I suppose it’s important to keep in mind the question of “what’s the end game here?” Realistically, you can put in a lot of time texting and a lot of energy into video dating, with the risk that actually, you might not gel with or fancy this person in real life. With all the will in the world, you just can’t predict whether you’ll have that je ne sais quoi with someone in person. 

That being said, as you don’t get ahead of yourself or set your expectations too high,  Zoom on! 

ANY TIPS FOR FUTURE DIGITAL LOVERS? 

No flashing on camera. No I’m joking, - unless you’re both into that. But make sure a video date is something you’re both comfortable doing. Get to know them a little before you do end up Zooming, and don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go amazingly. It’s a fun (or at the very least interesting) experience, and if you do end up with the person of your dreams - amazing. If there’s anything to get you through lockdown, let it be the anticipation of finally meeting your sexy digital lover. 

Thanks, Gen. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for you two! Are you virtually vibing with someone right now? Head over to our HANX Life forum where we’re talking hot topics for when you log on and what happens when you really click. C U there!